Traveling Through

Over the last several years my  ideologies  have morphed and become more of my own.  I won't go as far as saying that all of my ideals are concrete or set in stone, but I feel better about who I am more than ever.  I actually like me.  I guess the scariest thing about holding opinions is voicing them and then facing scrutiny and sometimes even feeling alone in your ideology.  I am never quite able to be completely on one end of the spectrum or the other.  I suppose the only type of radical I want to be is a radical Christian.   I am feeling the pains of being a societal outlier (a point in a sample widely separated from the main cluster of points in the sample).  Funny, that term really seemed to speak to me after taking my Research Methods course last spring.  :) But of course, my "normal" is perfectly "normal."  My belief system is firmly set on solid ground and gosh darn it; I am right about most things.  lol.  (Not really.) Well, I been thinking that m

http://www.youtube.com/watch?feature=player_embedded&v=O19k-YtwXTg I recently became a member of the Pittsburg Public Library during my short in term of no school.  I thought it might be a good way to stay connected with people outside my “school world,” and I am always attracted to old buildings of character… especially ones that I can enter for free and lounge about as if I’ve paid my part in its maintenance; I guess I have if you consider city taxes/fees.  Lol. Also, I’ve found it to be an economical way to get entertainment.  I was rifling through their slim movie selection when I found the 1983 film, The Big Chill .  Looking at the cover, I thought that perhaps I could relate.  College friends getting back together for a weekend… reminiscing.  I could see myself a bit in the character of Meg Jones- single, grown up and the only women in her group of friends who has yet to find a match (have children) and is sensing her biological clock ticking.  I don’t think my part

http://youtu.be/I_CbxZRW9Zw I much prefer the joyfully sad bluegrass version of David Rawlings (w/ Gillian Welch) as opposed to the bluesy downtrodden sound of Ryan Adams’ version of "To Be Young (is to be sad, is to be high)"; though, I love Ryan Adams. There is something about bluegrass that makes me want to dance through hard times. There are “Greats” in music. People who are able to weave together verse with melody and tell songs as stories. I believe we all cling to and are comforted by lyrics that speak our story or a story from our past. Thank you to my sister, Meredith, for introducing me to many of my music “Greats.” Those people who often sing my song. Gillian Welch & David Rawlings, Ryan Adams, Old Crow Medicine Show, Neko Case… Also, I’m glad to have found my “Golden Greats” Emmylou Harris, Dolly Parton, Neil Young, Yusuf Islam (Cat Stevens), John Lennon, Paul McCartney, Bob Dylan, (though he should stick to song writing) and many more… Now

Proverbs 3:5 NIV Trust in the LORD with all your heart and lean not on your own understanding. It is funny how panicked a person can become when he/she feels out of control. Since I value truth and transparency, I want to admit that I often feel out of control. I’ve been thinking today about what I have “planned” for my life. I have come to know that my plan is not always God’s plan. I had the perfect, cookie-cutter idea as to what my life would look like at this point. Some of my ideas have come to pass but really the major things in my life really don’t match the picture I had for myself. I think God wants more for me than what I want for myself, though at times I can ask the Lord- “Why not me?” Slowly, I am being molded into who he desires me to be. It is not instant. It is not easy. It usually is not comfortable. When I do decide to trust in the Lord and not in myself, I feel the peace of the Lord and am encouraged to keep moving forward in His plan rather than my

Yesterday, I was on top of the world. Today, statistics managed to give me flash backs to my fourth grade classroom… long division. Though long division was some time ago, the symptoms of uneasiness are still the same: churning stomach, air pockets that thankfully make no sound; you know the drill or at least I hope you do. Why must numbers, especially numbers mixed with letters, drive me into panic? There is a bright side. I found out that I was not the only one letting the pressure of statistics worry them. I can feel a bit lonely when other students start spatting out theories and voicing ideas in class that make them sound competent. At those times, I wonder, what am I doing here? Am I going to be found out and sent packing? In my statistics course, I am currently practicing the “Keeping My Mouth Shut Method” to appear to be more intelligent than I really am. I highly recommend this practice. Proverbs 17:28 A man of knowledge uses words with restraint, and a man

A spinster, or old maid, is an older, childless woman who has never been married. When people hear the word “spinster” or “old maid”… they usually picture an unhappy woman who had some tragedy in her life which caused her to be deemed unmarriageable and, therefore, a peculiarity in society. I think of that Tanya Tucker song Delta Dawn. Man that gets me every time! Or perhaps the local lady who lives with her parents and wears outfits to match her mother and a bow clipped to the side of her chopped off hair. Yes, that lady spoke with me this year and thought she found a kindred spirit. “You are going to be just like me aren't you,” she said. My stomach sank to the ground. I don’t know how that comment was entirely meant to make me feel, but I suspect she felt the need for someone to identify with her…to share her lot in life. I felt sad for her and myself for a while. In actuality, I’ve been doing better with my single status. I think the hardest time for me so far was d