Spinsterhood

A spinster, or old maid, is an older, childless woman who has never been married.

When people hear the word “spinster” or “old maid”… they usually picture an unhappy woman who had some tragedy in her life which caused her to be deemed unmarriageable and, therefore, a peculiarity in society.

I think of that Tanya Tucker song Delta Dawn. Man that gets me every time! Or perhaps the local lady who lives with her parents and wears outfits to match her mother and a bow clipped to the side of her chopped off hair. Yes, that lady spoke with me this year and thought she found a kindred spirit. “You are going to be just like me aren't you,” she said. My stomach sank to the ground. I don’t know how that comment was entirely meant to make me feel, but I suspect she felt the need for someone to identify with her…to share her lot in life. I felt sad for her and myself for a while.

In actuality, I’ve been doing better with my single status. I think the hardest time for me so far was during my quarter years. I was desperate to find myself. At 30 years young, I see my positive qualities as well as my limitations. I see that I am a unique creation and have a unique purpose. I do have my days of struggling but, for the most part, I feel comfortable in my own skin.

The biggest hurdle to living as a single person would have to be the well-meaning scrutiny from those who love you most. Yes, I do want to be married, but I don’t want to work myself into a tizzy over something I can’t completely control. I can make choices in my life and follow through with them, i.e.: attending graduate school, my employment, where I live, what I eat, etc… But as far as relationships with the opposite sex go, it isn’t a one person decision. Two people have to decide that they want to become united with each other through thick and thin. There really is no talking someone into the deal if you want a marriage to be successful.

This leads me into another rant. Divorce. I absolutely despise divorce and the pain it causes all those involved. Yet, it seems to be the new normal in our society. If you aren’t happy, get out… because life is all about happiness and someone else creating happiness for you. Man, that is exactly why I no longer buy into those cheesy romances I once found to be an escape. I think they might cause permanent damage to our understanding of what life should really be about. It really isn’t all about us.

Living out the awareness that life isn’t really all about us is a huge challenge. I hope to one day, someday marry someone who feels the same way. I pray for a marriage that would be of mutual regard and concern for the other. That’s my new romance fantasy.

So, cheers to all of the singletons out there searching for their spot in life and holding their chins up high… even through family get- togethers, invasive doctor’s visits , and parties where you may not have a + plus one.